Chapter Six: Breaking His Disire

Chapter Six: Breaking His Desire

            “Hello?”

            “Michael?”

            “Yes?” he said, half asleep.

            “It’s Tori.  You know, your editor/publisher?”

            “Oh Yeah yeah yeah.  What’s up?”  he said, before it dawned on him.  “OH!  Did you read it?  What did you think?  How much do I need to change?”  He was tripping over himself with questions.

            “Yes, I did read it and I really like it.  I just have a few suggestions for you, which we can go over when you come in.  I don’t think this will take much work before sending it to print.”

            “That’s awesome!  Thank you so much!”  Michael was doing a victory dance on his bed.

            “I called to set up a meeting and also to ask you about any ideas you had for your next series.”  At that Michael stopped dancing.

            “Yeah, about that…” he hesitated.  “I’ve hit some sort of road block with that.  Nothing I have come up with has really grabbed me.”

            “Wow, that’s a first,” Tori said with sympathy.  “Well maybe we can go over some of those ideas and maybe tweek them or something.”

            “Yeah, okay.  I’ll bring in what I have, but I’m not willing to start something that I won’t be fully into and it’s something my readers deserve.”

            “I understand.”  Tori said.  “One step at a time.  I’ve had other writers hit a wall when starting a new series, especially when they put their whole soul into the previous one.”

            “Yeah.”

            “Anyway, when are you free?  I have an opening for tomorrow, Tuesday, at… hm…” Michael could hear Tori ruffling through is day planner.  “Let’s say 10:30?”

            “Sounds perfect to me.”  Michael went to his dry-erase board calendar and scribbled in the time and Tori’s name.

            “Alright, I’ll see you tomorrow!”

            “Okay, see you then,”

            “Bye.”

            “Bye,” Michael said before hanging up.  “Woo! Yeah! He liked it, he liked it,” he was doing a jig again when his phone rang and he almost dropped it in his surprise.

            “Hello?”

            “Hey Bro!  What are you up to?”  It was Yuuki.

            “Hey!  I was thinking I needed to get out of the house.  Are you busy?”

            “I am not, actually, what did you have in mind?” Yuuki asked.

            “Well, since you called, I was thinking maybe some laser tag then grub?” Michael threw out.

            “Wow!  You must really be itching, we haven’t done laser tag in forever.”

            “Is that a no, cause you’re a wuss??” Michael egged him on.

            “Oh hell no!  You’re on!  Where are we going and when should I be there?”

            “Oh yeah!  It’s that place down by the book store and theater, I can’t remember the name, but you know.  And meet in 20?”

            “Oh it’s on!  I’ll be there.” Yuuki always gets fired up during a competition.

            “Haha, alright, see you then.”  Michael hung up and ran to his room to change.  If he knew Yuuki, and he did, he was going to make getting there a race just because he was in competition mode.  He changed as fast as he could and didn’t even bother tying his shoes before running out the door.

            Michael jogged up to the entrance only to find Yuuki leaning against the wall.  He was trying to act as if he has been there for a while but he was clearly out of breath.  “What took you so long?” he asked.

            “Oh don’t even, you haven’t been here long.”  Michael said, catching his own breath.

            “Winning is winning, even if it’s by a second,” Yuuki said with a smile.  Michael just stuck his tongue out at him in response.  “Shall we?”  Yuuki motioned towards the door.  They both went in and paid for their time, receiving a mock gun and a vest.  It was still pretty early on a Monday so they had the place to themselves.  They played for over an hour with Yuuki being the over-all victor.

            “I’m never going to live this down,” Michael said, wiping sweat from his face.

            “Never,” Yuuki said, gloating.  He safety-pinned his victory paper to his chest and walked out of the building.

            “I’m sorry you had to see that, some boys just never grow up.”  Michael said to the clerk who was much younger than himself.

            “We see that more than you might think,” the clerk said in return.  “Have a good day!”

            Michael followed Yuuki out the door.  “That was fun, I needed that.  Thanks Yuuki,” Michael said and patted him on the back.

            “Well, considering I haven’t heard from you since we went to the office, I was worried you were clamming up in your house.”  Yuuki said.  “I wasn’t surprised when you said you wanted to do something like laser tag, ha ha.  I figured you were blocked still.”

            “Yeah, I am and I was, but not for that reason.”  Michael spoke without looking directly at Yuuki.

            They started walking to the coffee place they always go to after visiting the book store.  “What do you mean?  Is there something else going on?  Is it Ellie? Huh huh?  It is isn’t it?”

            “You always get right to the point, don’t you?” Michael said with a laugh.

            “Well, I know you pretty well, and you guys looked pretty close the last time I saw you together.  Eh eh??”

            “You’re enjoying this far too much.”  Yuuki gave a ‘yes! Victory!’ motion before Michael could speak again.  “Its… not that.”

            Yuuki stopped mid-victory, “What do you mean?  Is it not working?”

            “Oh no, Ellie is fine.  She’s already a great friend.”

            “Friend?!”  Yuuki stopped and stared at him.  “I’m sorry, we ARE talking about the same person right.  Elane, smoking hot, long brown and purple hair, legs that go to heaven?”

            “Wow, sounds like you might be a little interested.” Michael joked.

            “I’m serious here.  She’s gorgeous and she is obviously brilliant.  What’s the matter with her?”  Yuuki sounded very concerned.

            “I know, and I tried, but something else has come up.”

            “What could possibly be more interesting than Ellie?”  Yuuki was starting to get frantic.

            “You’ll make fun of me if I tell you.”  Michael was avoiding looking at him again and started walking with a more brisk pace.

            “Dude!  I’m your best friend, I would never make fun of you for something that’s important.  And clearly this is of utmost importance.”  Yuuki was trying to keep up with Michael.  Michael hesitated to answer and Yuuki slapped him on the back of the head.  “Come on!  Tell me!”

            “Auuuuugh…. Fine.”  Michael conceded.  “But you promise to hear me out before making judgement?”
            Yuuki crossed his heart with his finger, “I promise.”

            Michael took a deep breath and let it out.  “There is someone else…”

            “That’s it?”  Yuuki stared at him in disbelief.

            “It’s….. not what you expect.”

            “Just tell me already, then!”

            Michael took another deep breath and closed his eyes, avoiding Yuuki altogether.  “It’s not a woman.”  Yuuki stopped walking and took it in.  After a long moment of silence, Michael peeked over at him.  His face was blank, which would scare Michael normally, but he was just relieved that he wasn’t losing his mind over it.  “Uh… Yuuki?”

            After another moment he finally looked at Michael and spoke.  “I need more information,” he said and began walking to the coffee shop with more vigor.  Michael followed behind him.  They ordered and sat down before they spoke again.  After a few sips Yuuki finally said, “Not a woman, huh?”

            “Yeah,” Michael answered.

            “So… that means that you were distracted by… a man?”

            “Well, that is the other gender, so it stands to reason that ‘not a woman’ would mean a man.”  Michael said, trying to lighten the subject.

            “Smart ass comments not required.” Yuuki said, he was in detective mode.  “A man…”

            “This is why I was trying to avoid telling you…” Michael said, thinking he had made a huge mistake.

            “No no no, I’m glad you did tell me.  It’s just hard to imagine you with a guy, you have always been a ladies’ man.  I mean, you had very low success with relationships but you never missed an opportunity to mac on one and, you know, seal the deal.” He said the last with an eyebrow wiggle.

            “Believe me, it took me by surprise as well.  And I don’t think this would happen with any other guy, even now the thought makes me cringe.”

            “So what makes this guy special?  And do I know him?  How did you meet him?”  Yuuki was starting to get used to the idea and his nosey-friend mode was kicking in.

            Michael laughed, both at his excitement and at his own relief.  “Well, you know who he is, but allow me to tell you who it is after, save some of the excitement.” Yuuki nodded.  “I saw him before this all started happening but when I first interacted with him was, ironically, at the club where and when we met the girls.”  Yuuki made a ‘what?!’ face.  “Yeah, I know.  It was kind of a weird first interaction, to be honest.  He was, um, having a bad time and I stumbled upon him and it got interesting.”

            “Interesting?”  Yuuki was giving him his full attention.

            “Yeah, he, well, I don’t want to air anyone’s dirty laundry, but this particular man was a marine and he suffers from PTSD.  I actually did something to trigger him and he went into a panic attack.  I couldn’t leave him, I tried, but couldn’t.  And then, after it passed, he said he was curious and he…”  Michael started blushing and he looked away.

            “He what?!” Yuuki pressed.

            “He… um… he kissed me.” Michael still wasn’t looking at Yuuki but he heard him hit his hands on the table and knew the expression on his face.

            “Whaaaaaaat???  He just kissed you?”

            Michael nodded, “he said he was curious.  I guess I struck a chord with him.”

            “Woaah, Oh my god, excuse me for sounding like a girl but oh my god!”  Yuuki tapped on the table a few more times in excitement.

            “You really do seem like a girl,” Michael laughed.

            “So what happened next?”

            “He left.”

            “What? He left? Talk about a mood killer,” Yuuki said with disappointment and he sat back in his seat.

            Michael laughed, “Were you expecting full on boning right there in the club?”

            “I mean… if the shoe fits.”

            Michael blushed but said, “Yuuki!  You pervert!”

            “Oh, I know that look, something did happen!  Is that why I haven’t heard from you in almost a week?”

            “Well, I had a date with him on Thursday and… I’ll spare you the details, but it was pretty damn close to the best mess-around session I have ever had.”  Michael was completely red now.

            Yuuki laughed, “I’ve never seen you like this before.  But I have to ask, before getting into the more psychological questions: what was it like? I mean, does it feel different than a girl?”

            “What do you mean?” Michael asked, partially trying to avoid the question.

            “I mean, two guys having sex, one has to put it, you know, in there,” Yuuki pointed towards his own butt.  “How did it feel?”

            “Wow… you went there, okay…”  Michael said exasperated.  “Well… we didn’t actually do that.”  Michael looked down into his coffee.  “We, um, decided to wait because neither of us are gay, so we don’t know who is who.”

            “Who is who?” Yuuki asked, confused.  “OH!” then it dawned on him, “you mean whose going to be the one catching?”

            “Yes, to put it crudely.”  Michael snapped.

            “Sorry, bro, I didn’t mean to be offensive, but,” he motioned to himself, “straight guy here.  I don’t know if there are preferred terms for that kind of thing.  But, have you thought about it?  How do you feel about being either, especially the ‘catcher’?”

            “I’m scared.” Michael spoke quietly, “I’m excited, too.  I can’t wait to see him and touch him, and I know that sounds weird because you’re my guy friend, but I can’t.  And if that means I have to learn to ‘catch,’” he made air quotes, “then I will.  A lot of people do it and they seem to enjoy it…”

            “OH MY GOD!” Yuuki exclaimed and Michael jumped.  “That’s what you’ve been doing all weekend!”  Yuuki pointed at Michael and had an accusing face, “You’ve been watching gay porn!”

            “Be quiet!” Michael said quickly.  Yuuki was laughing so hard he was turning red.  “Yuuki!  I was not!”

            “Oh yes you were!” Yuuki exclaimed quietly, “You so were.”

            “I did some research, yes, but don’t blow it out of proportion.” Michael said over his cup.

            “Research…” Yuuki was laughing again.  He took a deep breath and said, “suuuuuuure.”

            “You’re so immature.”  Michael said, putting his cup down and crossing his arms.

            “I’m sorry, I’m sorry,” Yuuki said, still laughing.

            “Don’t be an ass.” Michael said.

            Yuuki let out a few more chuckles before he quieted down, “I’m sorry, for real.  I wasn’t making fun, just joking around.  And in all seriousness, though, how else are you supposed to learn?”

            “I could read yaoi,” Michael suggested.

            Yuuki just stared at him for a long time then said, “I have so many questions.  First, how do you even know the word yaoi?  Second, how do you know what yaoi is?  Thirdly, yaoi, really?  I thought you were turning gay, not into a girl.”

            “Woah, ouch!  First of all, I’m not turning gay, I just happen to have an attraction for another man.  Second, how do you know about yaoi?”  Michael pointed at Yuuki.  “I know about it because Ellie is a fan.  It turns out that she’s kind of a nerd, and not just in the super science genius kind of way, but also in the I-love-anime-and-manga kind of way.  So she recommended that I check some out, considering the ones she recommended were about how two straight men fall in love with each other and find themselves in a similar situation as myself and my new friend.”

            “I did not expect that,” Yuuki was finally starting to calm down.  “But you never know with anyone,” he said jokingly, “He might be hiding a secret man under his bed.”  He looked pointedly at Michael.

            “I’m pretty sure he has his own apartment and doesn’t need to hide under my bed.” Michael said, playing along.

            “No, but I know you and I’m sure you’d love to cage him up somehow, maybe with rope?” Yuuki winked at him.

            “I really hope you don’t know me well enough to know my sexual fantasies,” Michael said with a sound of fake disgust.

            “I am very happy to say that I don’t.  But I know your personality and if I had to guess…”

            “Let’s just not go there, okay?” Michael said.

            “Alright alright.”  Yuuki said.  “But now you have to tell me who the mystery person is.”

            “I was hoping you’d forget.”  Michael said with a sigh.

            “You knew that was very unlikely.”  Yuuki responded.  “Come on~” he nudged.

            “Okay, geeze,” Michael picked up his cup and as he touched his lips with it he mumbled, “Its Lukas.”

            Yuuki didn’t say anything for a moment then, “What?!” he said slamming his hands on the table again.

            “Calm down, Yuuki,” Michael urged him.

            “No, I won’t.  Lukas?  Michael really?”  Michael couldn’t tell if he was in disbelief or if he was mad.  “That pompous ass hat?  He is nothing but ignorant to anyone he feels is below him, and that is pretty much everyone.  He acts so smug, gah!  How could a man like that insight such a response from you and it not be a negative one?”

            “You don’t know him,” Michael said.

            “It’s pretty obvious that you don’t either.”  Yuuki said.  “You’ve spent one night with him and you have a whole new outlook on him.  Like he isn’t the same Lukas that practically thinks he’s a god above all else.  Michael…” he sighed, “I don’t want to be that kind of person, I want to be supportive, but I don’t know if I can.  He’s just so…”

            There was an awkward silence between them for a few minutes.  Michael finally said, “I didn’t ask for this to happen.  That is just how my life goes, I either go with the flow or I get left behind.  I know you don’t think he’s a good person, and hell, you’re right, I don’t know him very well.  But, Yuuki, I’ve seen him.  I witnessed him at his worse.  Anyone fighting a daily battle like that tends to put up walls and sometime those walls look like arrogance and snubbiness to others, but really they are only meant to do one job, and that is to keep people out so that person doesn’t get hurt.  I… do the same.”

            Yuuki looked at him, really looked.  “Michael you don’t do that, you try to let people in, right?”

            “Yuuki, you’re the only one I’ve ever let in.  I can’t let anyone else in, it’s too hard.”  Michael was feeling himself start to clench his muscles.  He knew this path of conversation would lead nowhere but to his own pain and panic.  “He knows what that’s like.  He knows that on the inside of the wall its very lonely.  Yuuki, please don’t write him off yet.  I can’t say that he doesn’t intend to be mean, but I can say he is kind and generous.  And, Yuuki,” Michael said, trying to drive the point him, “he took care of me.”  Yuuki took a deep breath but didn’t say anything for a while.  “Please, let me give him a chance.  If I don’t have you at my back then I have nothing.”

            Yuuki let out a long sigh then said, “Michael, I know how hard it’s been for you.  Even with me you’re not open.  So,” he took another breath, “if Lukas is able to bring you out and make you happy, actually happy, not content, then I am willing to give him a little leeway.”  He looked away and crossed his arms over his chest as if it was a real challenge to say what he did.

            Michael looked at him with stars in his eyes.  “Yuuuuuuuki! Thank you!”  Michael stood up and rushed to his side of the table, giving him a hug with is long arms.

            “It’s not like you would have listened to me anyways…” Yuuki mumbled into Michael’s arm and Michael laughed.  Michael finally released Yuuki and sat back down.  “When do you see him next?” he asked after taking a drink of his coffee.

            “I’m not sure yet.  To be honest, I’ve been avoiding him.  I don’t want to come on too strong.”

            “Don’t wait too long, he’ll think you aren’t interested,” Yuuki said.

            Michael laughed, “If he thinks I’m not interested after the other night, then…”
            “Alright, we get it, you got lucky with a very handsome man,” Yuuki said.

            “So, speaking of which, how’s things with Sarah?”

            “Oh, it’s my turn to play twenty questions, is it?” Yuuki asked with a smile.  “They are pretty good, so far she seems to be supportive of my work and doesn’t make fun of my taste in movies and such.”

            “That’s great!”  Michael said.  The two gibbered on for a little while longer about Sarah and even a little about Ellie.  Then they finally finished up and went back outside, preparing to head home.  “See you later!  Oh! I forgot to ask, are you going into the office tomorrow?”

            “I hadn’t planned on it, I haven’t finished up the color and final touches for the comic just yet.”

            “Ah okay.”

            “Are you?  Did Tori call you?”

            “Yes sir!  He said there are only a few things that need worked on but I could have it to the printer very shortly.”  Michael was excited all over again.

            “That’s awesome!  I’m not surprised but it always feel good when they call and tell you your draft has been accepted.”

            “Yeah, no kidding, I hate playing the waiting game.  But, anyways, I’ll see ya when I see ya!”  Michael waved and Yuuki nodded and they went their separate ways.

Michael pulled out his phone and typed a little message to his followers:

                       

                        The draft of the final book of the Dark Heart series has been accepted!

                        I know I’m excited I hope you all are too!

                        I’m having a great day because of that and some other news I got

                        So I really hope you all are having a wonderful day too! <3

            Michael was smiling when he slid his phone back into his pocket.  He started walking before looking up, but when he did he almost ran right into “Lukas!”

            “Oh! Michael,” Lukas said, clearly distracted.

            “Hey, I’m sorry I’ve been kind of a ghost…” Michael noticed that Lukas wasn’t really paying attention.  He had a worried look on his face.  “What’s the matter?  You don’t look well.”

            “Hm?  Oh… it’s nothing.” Lukas was clamming up, as he usually did.

            Michael was not going to allow Lukas to shut him out.  He stepped in and wrapped his hand around his head, pulling his attention to him as he leaned in and kissed him.  When he pulled away Lukas had a surprised look on his face and was giving him his full attention.  “That’s better.  You will not block me—“

            “Michael… what if we were seen?”

            “I’m pretty sure a man kissing another man is not really a big deal anymore.”  Michael said, missing the point.

            “I mean, if Yuuki saw…”

            “Oh, I told him,” Michael said with a prideful smile on his face.

            “You did?” he said, sounding surprised.

            “Yep, but don’t change the subject.  What’s going on?”  Michael was sincerely worried.

            “It’s no-“  Michael put a finger over his lips and made a uh-uh sound.  Lukas gave him a glare.  “You don’t have to worry.  I don’t want to put my burdens on you.”

            Michael sighed.  “In my world, once I’ve seen your dick and you’ve seen mine, then you’re allowed to lay some on me, cause I don’t play with just anyone’s dick.”  He said with a wink.

            Lukas looked taken aback and for a moment he was silent.  For some reason, looking at him like that made Michael want to drag him to the nearest alley and—

            “It’s my brother,” Lukas said, pulling Michael out of his dirty thoughts.  “I was so relieved when he left active duty from the army and went into the guard.  But his former unit is in need of his superior technical skills and want him to go back overseas.”  As he talked, Lukas’s face became more drawn with worry.  “I know he’ll be in a bunker most of the time, but he still has to travel and I know that the barracks aren’t always the safest place and with terrorists, if they want it done, they’ll find a way…”

            Michael didn’t know what to say or do, so he just wrapped his arms around Lukas and said, “I’m so sorry.”  He felt Lukas’s arms come around him and he gripped Michael as hard as he could.  He laid his head on Michael’s shoulder and Michael could feel him shaking.

            “When I think of him there again, I just replay over and over what happened when I was there and I can’t help but see him hurt or dead.”  Lukas was whispering but Michael could hear his fear.  He clenched him harder, trying to let him know he was there for him.  “I don’t want to lose him, Michael, I can’t.  He’s my best friend, he’s makes me strong, without him I’ll be nothing, I’ll be weak.”  Michael heard the tears in his voice.

            “I can’t imagine how you feel,” Michael said, holding on to him.  “But I know this: if he can make you who you are and he pushes you to be better, and if he is anything like you then he is strong and brilliant.  He’ll know to keep his head down and eyes up.  And with you and your family here waiting, he won’t do anything risky, because he doesn’t want to lose this life yet.”  Michael prayed that he said the right thing and was worried he had made it worse when Lukas didn’t say or even move for a very long time.  He was holding his breath and kissing the side of Lukas’s head when he finally felt him nod.

            “Will you stay with me?” Lukas whispered.  Michael recognized that voice, Lukas was very near another attack.

            “Of course.” He said.  They remained on the sidewalk for a moment more before Lukas pulled away.  “And I want to be there when he leaves.”  Lukas looked at him, with tears in his eyes and nodded again. Michael stood beside him ready to go wherever he wanted but Lukas didn’t seem to know where that was.  Michael reached over and gently grasped his hand and started walking towards his own place.  Michael walked slow, to allow Lukas time to pull away or decide he wanted to go somewhere else, but he didn’t, he just followed Michael.

            Michael unlocked his door and let Lukas in.  He was looking down, as he had been the whole time and Michael was still worried.  He took Lukas’s coat and hung it up with his own on the hooks on the wall by the door.  He slid his own shoes off and quickly walked around his small living room, turning on the few lamps he had.  His living room was about half the size of Lukas’s, with the kitchen attached to one end and a large bay window taking up the opposite wall.  The hallway to his room and study was right in the middle of the two rooms, across from the front door.

            Lukas was finally looking around by the time Michael had turned on all the lights.  “Welcome to my home.” He said with a smile.  “It’s a bit smaller than yours but I don’t need a lot of space.”  Michael’s living room was undecorated, besides the couch and love seat, the only other furnishings were the two end tables, a small coffee table and his entertainment stand, which held his television.

            “If you want you can sit on the couch.” Michael saw that Lukas was still standing and looked very uncomfortable.  Michael came back to him and hugged him again.  “I know you’re afraid,” he said gently.  “Let me help you, if I can.”  Lukas brought his hand up and ran his fingers over Michael’s cheek.

            “You are helping by just being here,” he said.  Michael leaned against his cool fingers and then turned and kissed his palm.  Lukas closed his eyes for a moment, enjoying the feeling.  “I’m sorry…” he said as he opened his eyes.  Michael looked at him, confused, then Lukas grabbed both sides of his face and brought Michael’s mouth to his.  His kiss was hard and pained, but also needing.  He pryed open Michael’s mouth with his tongue and sucked Micheal’s into his mouth.  He sucked on it and caressed it with his own before he bit it, just enough to shock Michael.  He pulled away and they were both breathless.

            Michael wanted to ask him if he really wanted to do this but he could tell by his face and his kiss that he didn’t just want it, he needed it.  He needed to express his fear in a way that Michael could understand.  So Michael said instead, “If I’m going to be what you need tonight, then I’ll need something to makes sure that I will be there with everything I have.”  Lukas dropped his hand and Michael made his way to his fridge.  He pulled out a bottle of rum and drank straight from it.  He downed about a third of the bottle before he stopped to take a breath.  He sat the bottle and lid down on the counter.  As he walked around the counter, already feeling the warmth of the alcohol, he pulled his own shirt off of himself and let it drop to the floor.  Then he reached for Lukas and was stopped.  Lukas stared at him as he too removed his shirt and dropped it to the floor, never losing eye contact with him.

            He kept staring for a few seconds after his shirt had made it to the floor, almost piercing Michael with his brown eyes.  Michael wanted to look away but he was completely ensnared by him.  Then, as if he were shocked, Lukas moved.  He put his hands on Michael’s chest and pushed him roughly towards the wall.  Michael’s back hit with a thump, but Lukas didn’t stop, he slid his hands around Michael’s hips and pressed his bare chest against his.  He once again took Michael’s mouth, his need was great and Michael wanted to give everything he had, so he pushed back against Lukas’s pressing lips and tongue.  Lukas moaned but didn’t stop.  As he conquered Michael’s mouth, he moved his hands.  He slid his nails down Michael’s ribs, feeling every one of them and with every inch Michael flinched and gasped with pleasure.  Michael could feel the heat from where Lukas had scratched him it was painful and hot, but he wanted more.  Michael expressed his desire with his tongue.  He invaded Lukas’s mouth with it and ran it over his teeth, tongue and top of it.  He wanted to be a part of him and fill him with desire.  Lukas took the hint and leaned back just enough to put his fingers between them.  He ran his nails down his chest and the front of his rib cage.  And like before Michael gasped, grasping Lukas’s shoulders, he held himself steady while pleasure flooded him.  Lukas took it further.  He broke his kisses with Michael, which made him wimper, and bit his ear then his neck, side and front, pushing his head back to reveal his tender throat.  He didn’t just nibble, he bit hard enough that Michael was sure that Lukas had drawn blood.  He was a little surprised but realized that this was Lukas’s way of expressing his anguish.  And he knew that if this kept him from having an attack, he would gladly do it for him.

            When Lukas was finished with Michael’s neck he bit his shoulders and the muscles in his upper arm, licking where he bit as if claiming the marks he left as his.  He stopped and looked at Michael, partially asking him if he was okay and partially telling him that he belong to Lukas.  Michael was flush; he bit his lower lip and smiled, inviting him to give him everything he had.  Lukas took that as a challenge and pulled him away from the wall and against him.  Lukas slid his hands down Michael’s back and right into his pants.  He grasped both is his cheeks in his hand and squeezed.  Michael let out a small sound of surprise, but stepped back, pulling Lukas with him.  Lukas followed and grabbed harder to him as his hand hit the wall and were stuck between it and Michael’s ass.  Michael slid his hands up Luka’s back and gripped his shoulders tightly, as if asking for more.

            Lukas grabbed onto his cheeks with new vigor and pulled him away from the wall and, turning Michael and himself around, moved towards the couch.  He stopped and pulled his hands out of Michael’s pants, but he didn’t abandon them.  He slid his index and middle fingers unto the tops of his pants, each starting at his hips and sliding them towards each other and the button on Michael’s jeans.  He stopped and looked up at Michael, who was biting his lip again, watching Lukas’s every move.

            “That fucking lip…” Lukas panted and slapped the button out of its hole at the same time he took Michael’s lower lip between his teeth.  Michael moaned and Lukas bit down harder then, sucked it and caressed it with his tongue.  Lukas unzipped Michael’s pants all while dominating his lip.  Michael was panting, partially from desire and partially from a little panic.  He pushed it down, hoping the alcohol would hit him full force very soon.  Michael reached around Lukas’s hands and reached for his trouser button.  He slid it out of the soft fabric and the zipper slid open as he pulled the fabric on either side apart.  Michael’s pants slid off of him and to the floor, leaving him standing in just his boxer briefs.  He reached around Lukas’s hips and started sliding them down, but he didn’t just take the trousers, he grasped the elastic of Lukas’s underwear and started sliding them down as well.  He knelt down as he pulled down, leaving him on his knees in from of a naked Lukas.  His head was about half way up his thigh, as he looked up he saw Lukas’s cock was hard and standing.  He couldn’t stop himself.  He reached up with a hand and grasped it, it was hot and twitching under his hand.  He sat up a little and laid Lukas’s cock up against his belly, pointing it upwards and he leaned in and licked it from his balls to the head and Lukas quivered and moaned.  So, he did it again, this time he used the full surface of his tongue, unafraid of what he was doing.  Lukas’s need had made him bold.  He let his cock fall and he took the head of it into his mouth.  He ran his tongue over and around it, feeling it twitch with each motion.  Lukas reached down and grabbed a handful of Michael’s hair, not demanding but asking.  Michael took a deep breath and slid his mouth over Lukas.  He took as much as he could before he choked and slid it back out slowly.  Lukas trembled a little so he did it a few more times, moving faster and wrapping his tongue around it as much as he could.

            “S-stop…” Lukas whispered.  Michael looked up ready to see a disappointed Lukas, but instead he saw a very flush and horny one.  “I’ll cum.”  Michael tried to hide his smile as he stood up in front of Lukas.  He didn’t waste time, Lukas pushed him down on the couch and straddled over him, his knees on either side of Michael’s hips.  “Let’s try something new,” he said, his voice hoarse.  He leaned down and kissed Michael and moved his way down until he had to slide down him to reach his bare skin with his lips.  He grabbed the top of Michael’s underwear with his teeth and tugged, he pulled down and Michael arched up with his hips allowing the fabric to slide down his legs at Lukas’s beckoning.  He removed them completely and slid his hands up Michael’s legs, sliding his hands between his thighs and pulling them apart.  He watched Michael’s face and breathing to make sure he wasn’t making him uncomfortable.  Michael was reacting to his touch with pleasure, he was gripping the couch with his hands.  So, Lukas continued.  He pulled up Michael’s knees up on either side of him, leaving Michael’s whole lower region completely exposed, his cock, his scrotum, and Lukas could even see down further.  Lukas took him in with his eyes, wanting to touch.  He glanced up at Michael and could tell that Michael was just waiting to see what he did next.

            “Tell me if this is uncomfortable for you…. I…” he licked his lips “since last time, I can’t stop thinking about explore this,” he ran a finger between Michael’s butt cheeks, slowing over his hole.  He made a circular motion with his index finger over it, it was soft and a dark red color.  He stopped playing and continued moving his fingers up until he found Michael’s other attraction.  “And this…” he said with hungry eyes.  He leaned down and kissed the head of Michael’s cock and Michael reacted with a small gasp and a twitch.  He followed Michael’s example and licked it.  He was surprised to find a bead of pre-cum nestled in the small groove of the head’s top.  He ran his finger over it, drawing the lubricant down the shaft then he licked his finger and found that he liked the way Michael tasted.  He ran that same finger down below again and started playing with Michael’s hole.  This time he grew bolder and slid the tip of his finger into it.  Michael squeezed tight around his finger, even though he had very little inside him.  He continued with the circular motions and slid his finger in further, the further he moved the more Michael clenched and he also saw him arch his hips, raising up to give Lukas more access.  He took that as a green light and slid his middle finger in beside his index finger.  Michael groaned a little and Lukas looked up at him.  He had his face turned but he could still see Lukas and his green eyes were glowing.  He nodded at Lukas and raised himself a little more, spreading his legs as far as he could.  Lukas laid down on his belly and was face to face with what he was doing.  He slid his fingers in further and Michael reacted again, so he slid them out slowly and re-inserted them, just as Michael had done with Lukas’s cock in his mouth earlier.  He pushed his fingers in until they were up to the last knuckle.  He wanted more.  He wanted to put another finger in or more and drive Michael crazy.  He needed Michael to show him that he was important and that he desired him above all else.

            Michael lifted his head a little to see Lukas better and saw his hesitation.  “If you don’t want to then we don’t have to, yet. But…” he bit his lip and smiled, “if you want to keep going and make me mental, I have some lubricant in this table’s drawer.”  He pointed to the end table closest to him.  Lukas looked at him with a question on his face.  “I… have been thinking about it too… and I’m willing to be your bottom, but only yours…”  Michael was flush and Lukas could see his pleasure and want.  He slid out his fingers and kissed the inside of Michael’s thigh.  Then he stood and walked to the table, opening the drawer slowly.  A small bottle of clear lubricant rolled to the front of the drawer.

            Lukas looked at the bottle for a moment then said quietly, “Michael, I—“

            “Don’t.”  Michael said and Lukas looked at him.  He had his breath taken from him as he looked down at him: he had the sheen of sweat on him and his face was red with excitement, his legs spread open leaving him exposed and he wasn’t ashamed, he laid there as if to say, “Devour me… Take me completely.”  Lukas felt his desire spike.  “I want it, I want you and only you.  Please…” he whispered as he reached over and wrapped his hand around the inside of Lukas’s thigh.  “Use me to take us both to madness…” he let out a sigh of anticipation.  “I want to hear you … I want to feel you all over me…”  His need was clear and Lukas left his hesitation behind and grabbed the bottle.  He kneeled down between Michael’s legs and opened the bottle.  He was about to pour it into his hand but Michael stopped him.  He sat up in front of Lukas, wrapping his legs around him.  “Let me,” he said, reaching out his hand.  Lukas tilted the bottle over his hand and poured some into it.  Michael watched it with hungry eyes.  He spread it over his hand with his fingers and then reached between them and grasped Lukas again.  Lukas gasped then moaned as Michael ran his hand up and down his cock, covering it in the lubricant.

            “Okay,” Michael said as he laid back down slowly, showing off his muscles in his abdomen.  Lukas was again surprised at how beautiful Michael was and he decided that he was going to give him his wish, he was going to devour him.

            Lukas held himself against Michael’s hole and nudged a little.  “I’ll go slow… at first,” he said and Michael nodded and lifted himself up to meet Lukas.  Michael took a deep breath and grasped the couch, readying himself.  “If it’s too much at any time, tell me.”  Lukas said.

            “Mhm,” was Michael’s response.

            “Michael…”

            Michael sat up a little so he could look at Lukas in the eye.  “Lukas, if you don’t fuck me I’m going to fuck you,” he said and laid back down.  Lukas smiled and started sliding himself into Michael.  Michael relaxed after a moment but he was still extremely tight.  He went slow, like he said he would, but after a few moments of slow movement and readjusting, Lukas couldn’t hold back any more.  He put his hands under Michael’s ass and lifted him up onto his own thighs, then pushed back Michael’s knees with his hands until the almost rested on his chest.  Lukas leaned over him, lifting himself up as well as Michael.  He pushed again, harder this time and further.  Michael gasped but didn’t object, so Lukas thrust hard again, pushing himself fully into Michael.  Lukas moaned and started sliding back out, but when he was half way out, he thrust himself back in, and he did it again and again, harder each time; and with each thrust Michael became more comfortable and he began to moan, becoming louder each time Lukas was full shaft into him.  Lukas leaned down again and kissed Michael and at the same time he began thrusting faster and harder and he caught Michael’s moans in his mouth.  He returned those sounds of desire with his own, each time he was completely part of Michael he let out his own voice.  Michael grasped Lukas around the back of his neck, pulling him closer and he began to move with Lukas, his hips slamming against Michael’s ass.

            “Feels…. So…. Augh!” Michael moaned.  “I think… I might…mmmmm….”

            “Oh yes… Michael,” Lukas was breathless but he felt a euphoria he had never felt before.  He was hot all over and all his nerves tingled.  “Should I pull out?”

            Michael gave him a look that told him that, if he did he was a dead man, so, he continued.  He was close, but he was waiting for Michael, so he reached down between them and grasped Michael’s shaft.  He rubbed it in time with their motion and Michael almost screamed, his moans were turning into loud “Ahhs!” but the second Lukas grasped him he growled.  Michael pushed against Lukas and leaned his head back, grasping Lukas with one hand and the couch with the other; he was leaving marks on both.  And then he fell silent for a second before letting out a deep throated sound as he came into Lukas’s hand.  Lukas bit his lip and continued with vigor.  He thrust into him several more times before he joined Michael, he felt the heat of his semen all around him, filling Michael’s hole.  He collapsed over Michael, slowly sliding out of him.  Michael felt his hot cum running out of him and he smiled.

Michael laid his legs down so Lukas could snuggle in between them as he laid his head on Michael’s chest.  He was breathing heavy and was covered in sweat.  Michael ran his fingers up and down his back, he was filled with satisfaction and the alcohol had done its job, he felt no panic coming on, but he was thinking that had to do with Lukas’s need too.  His need made him want to be strong.

            Lukas took a deep breath and rested his chin on Michael so he could look at him.  Michael was grinning like a fool and that made Lukas feel even better.  “Thank you, Michael.” He said.  “I can’t believe that we just did that.  I thought it would be a good while before we got to that stage.  I thought we’d have to do prep and flip a coin to see who was who.”  Michael laughed under him and Lukas soaked up the sound.

            “Looks like I’m not the only one that was doing research,” Michael said.

            “Can I ask something?” Lukas said after a moment.

            “Sure.”

            “Why did you let me… “

            “Put your cock inside me?” Michael finished his question.  Lukas nodded.  “I’ve been thinking a lot about it, not just the sex but us in general and I realized that I want you in any way I can get you.  I find myself feeling like I want to do anything I can to make your happy.  I realized that, if it’s you, I want to do everything, try anything, and I’d gladly let you fill me up.” He finished with a smile and Lukas, not for the first time, was taken aback.

            “I’ve never had that….” Lukas said.  “No one has ever wanted that from me.  Why are you so different, what makes me special enough?”

            “Honestly?” Michael said, “I don’t know, it doesn’t make any logical sense.  We are both broken and hide behind thick walls and yet I feel you in my heart already.  You’re filling up a place that’s been empty for a very long time and I don’t want to lose that.  I don’t want to lose your warmth; I didn’t know how cold I was until I felt it for the first time.”  Michael looked down at him with a serious look.  “Promise me that you’ll give it your all.  Promise that you’ll fight til the end and then keep on fighting.  Fight for me, fight with me.”  Lukas could hear his fear; his fear of being alone and hurting.

            “I promise that I’ll fight until I die.” Lukas said and leaned down onto his bare skin, kissing the salty sweat and nuzzling him.  “I never want to feel like I did without you again,” he said against his skin and Michael wrapped his arms around him and held him tight.