Chapter Seven: Breaking the Emptiness

Chapter Seven: Breaking the Emptiness

            Michael reached up and pulled the blanket off the back of his couch, pulling it down over them.  He wasn’t cold and neither was Lukas, he could feel the heat coming off his skin and he was still covered in sweat.  But he wanted to wrap them up and block the world out, even if it was for just a minute.  He slid his arm back around Lukas, under the blanket.  Lukas sighed and settled in closer to Michael, his body fit perfectly against Michael’s.  Michael didn’t want this moment to end, he could feel Lukas’s calm and he wanted nothing more than to be the reason for that.   Michael wanted to ask but he didn’t want to break the comfortable silence between them, he just wanted to absorb his smell, the feel of his skin on his, and his arms around him.

            Lukas shifted a little, rubbing his cheek against Michael’s bare stomach.  He sighed again, “hmm.. Michael,” he mumbled.   Michael smiled.  “Can I just stay here?” Lukas asked.

            Michael ran his hands over Lukas’s skin, “I don’t want you to leave, either.”  He could feel Lukas smile against him.  Michael pulled one of Lukas’s hands up to his mouth and kissed it gently.  “I want you to be mine.” He said softly and Lukas turned his head so he could see Michael, who was looking right at him.  “I want to possess every part of you.  I want to know everything there is to know about you.  And I want you to tell me what you are thinking.”

            Lukas studied his face, as if he was speaking a different language.  “I’m… You don’t know what you’re saying,” he looked away.

            Michael rested a hand on his cheek and drew his attention and sight back towards him.  “I know exactly what I’m saying.  I’ve never said it before, so I’m not sure I’m saying it right, but I know what it is I’m saying.”  Lukas leaned against Michael’s hand and took a pained breath.

            “Michael…” he said quietly.  “I want that, too, but… I can’t relinquish control to anyone…”

            “I don’t want control of you, I just want you.”  Michael said.

            Lukas turned and kissed Michael’s fingers, “I can’t…” Lukas said and Michael took a quick breath, preparing for rejection.  “I can’t give you everything right now, but I will give you what I can,” he said against Michael’s fingers.  Michael let out his breath.  He stared at Lukas, watching him with his eyes closed and his lips against his skin.  He was being so gentle.  “You have to do one thing for me, though,” he said and opened his eyes, looking at Michael.  Michael looked at him with a questioning look on his face.  “Fight for me,” he echoed Michael’s own words.  “Don’t let me run away or block you out, because I will.  I’ll push you away and I’ll try to destroy what we have.”  Michael listened to Lukas as if he was listening to himself, he had done the same many times over, even without wanting to.

            Michael grasped Lukas’s hand, and entwined his fingers within his, “I will fight until the end, and then keep fighting.  I won’t let you run away because I won’t let myself run away.”

            Lukas squeezed Michael’s hand and turned his head so he could kiss Michael’s stomach.  “Good,” his breath tickled Michael’s skin.  After a moment of gentle kisses, Lukas, without looking up, said, “Are you afraid?” Kiss and pause, “I’m afraid.”

            “Of course I’m afraid, I’m afraid of letting you in and falling for you and then having something happen; you disappearing from my side and not being able to touch you or hear your voice again… I don’t want to be empty again, but if I run in fear now then I’ll never know if you are the one person that can make me whole again…”  Michael took a deep breath, he was starting to get himself worked up and, even though he was still drunk, he could feel his chest tighten.  He rubbed it absently and Lukas looked up, watching him.  He reached with his hand and placed it over Michael’s, moving his hand with Michael’s.  Michael’s hand slowed and finally stopped then Lukas moved his hand and placed it over Michael’s heart.

            He felt the strong beats of it and said, “I won’t break it.”  Michael closed his eyes and took a deep breath then nodded.  Lukas went back to kissing him and as we did he started sliding up.  He didn’t miss an inch of him, and when Michael opened his eyes he was face to face with Lukas.  He smiled and kissed Michael’s lips, gently.  “I won’t break you, though I make no promises about biting, scratching, or restraining…”  Michael made a noise of surprise and saw that Lukas was smiling.

            “That’s going to be a whole different conversation all together.” He said

            “I don’t think we need to have that conversation, considering,” he ran a finger over Michael’s scratched ribs, “you seemed to enjoy it.” He had a look of pleasure on his face and Michael flushed.

            “I was just trying to be your outlet…” Michael said a little sheepishly.

            “That’s not convincing,” Lukas said with a laugh.  He leaned down and nibbled on his neck.  “Are you saying you don’t like this, either?” he said against Michael’s skin and without control, Michael shuddered.  “I’ll take that as a no.”

            “Shower….” Michael said with a hoarse voice.  Lukas lifted up so he could see Michael’s face, he was looking away.  “We need a shower…” he said again.

            Lukas sat up on his knees so that Michael could get up, but it didn’t escape his notice that Michael was hard again.  “Oh~” he said with a roguish grin.

            Michael quickly laid his hands over himself, hiding his current state.  He slid off the couch and tried to stand but immediately fell to the floor.

            “Michael!” Lukas knelt down beside him, “Are you okay?”

            “Um…” Michael was embarrassed, “I can’t walk… my, um, backside… and my legs are numb.”  Lukas was filled with pride but held it in as he pulled Michael’s arm over his shoulder and lifted him up.  “It’s that way,” Michael pointed to the hallway.

            Lukas was smiling and Michael saw it.  He mock punched him in the ribs and told him that it wasn’t funny.  “I’m not laughing,” Lukas said, holding his ribs, “I’m smiling.  I am very satisfied that I rode you so hard you can’t walk.”

            Michael wanted to be upset but he’d enjoyed it as much as Lukas and he knew he would do it again, given the chance.  “I hope this doesn’t happen every time…” he said and Lukas laughed, he was punched a little harder that time.

            They made it to the bathroom where, instead of a bath, he had a standing shower with two glass walls and a glass door.  “I think I can stand now,” Michael said and leaned on one of the walls and pulled open the shower door, he leaned into the shower and turned on the water.  He let it run for a minute while he gently gimped over to the stand beside the sink and pulled out two white towels and placed them on the sink.  He walked back over to the shower and tested the water; he adjusted it a little until it was to his liking and then looked at Lukas.

            “Shall we bath together?” Michael asked.

            “I think so,” Lukas said stepping closer to the slower.  Michael stepped in first and Lukas followed, pulling the door shut behind him.  The shower was plenty big enough for them both, but Michael reached for Lukas, placing his hands on his hips and pulled him under the water with him.  He pulled Lukas against him and let the hot water run over them both.  Lukas took advantage of the close proximity to kiss Michael.  He ran his hands up his back and held him close, kissing him as the water ran down their faces.  Michael responded by placing his hands on either side of Lukas’s face and then ran them through his wet hair.  Lukas could feel Michael grow hard again, it was laying hot against his leg.  He resisted the urge to reach down and grab him.

            Michael broke their kiss and smiled.  “Let’s get clean,” he said and he turned Lukas around.  Michael grabbed his soap and loofa.  He poured some soap onto Lukas’s back and rubbed over it with his hands first, touching every hard muscle of his back and shoulders.  He then used the loofa to clean the sweat off him.  He ran it over his back several times, lingering, enjoying how his he felt under his touch.   Lukas was leaning his hand on the wall in front of him and let his head fall down, enjoying it.  Michael washed his shoulders and the back of his legs then moved the shower head to rinse off the soap.  As the suds slid off his wet body, Michael was mesmerized as each bubble cascaded over his muscles and skin.  After the soap was gone Michael turned the shower head again and stepped close to Lukas.  He reached around and washed Lukas’s extended arm, cleaning everywhere he could reach.   He then moved to his other, lifting it up and rubbing it gently.  He then wrapped his arms around Lukas and rested against his back.  Lukas could feel him, from his chest down to his hips, against his back and noticed that Michael had not calmed down.

            Lukas laid his hand on Michael’s forearm, holding him against himself.  Michael was kissing Lukas’s back and he couldn’t help but ‘mmm’ in pleasure.  He not only felt calm with Michael but he felt protected, like the world couldn’t come against him while he was with him.  He knew it was an illusion but he allowed it to engulf him anyways.  “Michael.” He said.

            “Hm?” Michael responded against his back.

            “I want you to be mine, as well,” he said.  He felt Michael smile and his arms held him tighter.  “I’m sorry that I’m afraid, I can’t—“

            “Shh,” Michael said, kissing him again, “you don’t have to apologize or explain.” Lukas nodded, fighting back his worry of driving Michael away.  “I have the same fears and I’m not going to allow them to swallow you as they did me.”  Michael continued to kiss his back between words.  “And you are being far more graceful that I was about it.”  Michael said and after a moment Lukas let out a laugh, the sound vibrated through his whole chest and Michael was intoxicated by it.

            “Well, my work here is done then,” Lukas said, still laughing.  Michael joined in his laughter.  Lukas finally let go of Michael, as if he was no longer afraid he would run away, and Michael continued his work of cleaning Lukas, this time he dropped the loofa and used only his hands.  He rubbed the soap all over his chest and stomach, lathering it up as he went.

He ran his fingers over Lukas’s soapy skin, but now he wasn’t trying to clean him, he was trying to entice him.  He gently ran his nails over his pecks and across his abs, and he sighed against Lukas’s back.  Lukas was already intrigued because of Michael’s hard cock and he used this opportunity to push his hips back and rub his backside against Michael.  Michael sighed in pleasure, trying to control himself.  He felt Michael’s cock nestle between his butt cheeks and he rubbed side to side.  Michael responded by sliding a hand down onto Lukas’s hip, spreading his fingers out to cover as much of it as he could, he wanted to touch Lukas all over.

            “What is it about you?” Michael asked, half growling.  How can I possibly be aroused again, we just finished having actual sex…  Lukas chuckled and pushed back even further, taking Michael off guard and causing him to take a step back.  But he recovered quickly and he stepped forward, pushing Lukas against the glass wall.  Lukas gasped when his hot skin touched the cold glass.  He was completely against it, except his cock, which, while Michel had pushed him, Michael reached down in front of him and grasped it, keeping it from hitting the glass.  He didn’t stop there; he ran his hand up and down the shaft, arousing him even more.

            “Michael,” he whispered, reaching a hand behind him and grasping Michael’s ass, pulling him even closer.  Michael responded by rocking his hips against Lukas.  As he did so, he thrust his hand harder around Lukas’s cock.  Lukas curled his free hand against the glass and moaned.  Michael leaned down and gently bit Lukas’s shoulder and he shuddered.  Lukas dug his nails into Michael’s skin, he was already to his limit.  “Michael,” he said again, “I’m going to….”

Michael bit him harder and growled, “Me too.”  Michael moved his head so his chin was laying on Lukas’s shoulder, pulling him away from the glass and could see down his front.  “I want to see it,” he said and clenched his hand tighter as he stroked Lukas.

Lukas was panting and his voice was much more sensual than his normal, already enticing voice.  “Ah~ Mi-mmm…” he tried to speak, “now!”  Michael felt Lukas tense for just a second then felt him throb in his hands and saw him ejaculate against the glass and down his hand.  Michael rode the wave of his pleasure and followed him to climax, spreading his heat against Lukas’s back and ass.  He slouched against Lukas, panting.

“I’m glad we are still in the shower,” Lukas said after a moment, holding himself up with his arm against the glass wall.  Michael started laughing and his movement and sound vibrated through Lukas and he joined in.

Michael stood up and turned the shower head back towards them and he pulled Lukas back with him, holding him in his arms, just letting the water flow over them; he kissed his skin and just absorbed him.  Lukas slid his hands up and down Michael’s arms, doing the same.  “I don’t understand what is happening here,” Michael said, “but I don’t want it to stop.”

Lukas smiled, he felt so at ease in that moment that it was hard to imagine that anything could go wrong, even if he knew by experience that things most often do go wrong.  He didn’t dwell on it, just allowed himself, if even for just a second, to enjoy the feeling that was filling his soul.

Michael felt his heart flutter and he found himself in the same place as Lukas, the holes he had failed to remove were slowly starting to fill and the euphoria was better than any drug.  Michael closed his eyes as he laid his head on Lukas’s back.  He was in such a comfortable place that he let his mind slip.

His hands were large and callused as they roughly flipped him over.  He lay with his face buried in the mattress that smelled of beer and sweat.  He tried to remove himself from this place, make his mind go anywhere but there, but the man’s hands hurt so much.  The man held his hands above his head so rough that he knew he would have bruises.  He used his free hand to run his rough skin down his back and over his naked butt.  He tried his best not to shiver but he couldn’t stop, he hated that man and his hands.  He hated being touched by him and used like a toy.  And he hated most that he could do nothing about it and no one else wanted to do anything.  He was just a child, how could his tiny, immature body possibly insight desire from a grown man?  The man pulled his legs apart with is hard hands and ran his fingers up his thigh and between his butt cheeks.  He gasped and clamped down his eyes, as if that would block out the touch.

“No!”  Michael yanked his head up away from Lukas.  He was immediately met with darkening vision, a burning chest.  He stepped back from Lukas, slamming his fist against his chest, trying to help him breathe.  “God damn it!” he panted.  He fell to his knees, “no, please no…” he felt tears pouring out of his eyes as he tried to hold on to consciousness.

Lukas turned around in time to see him fall to his knees and he knelt down in front of him.  “Michael,” he reached out to him but was swatted away.  Michael wasn’t there, he was somewhere else, his eyes were glazed over.  He reached out again and grabbed his shoulders, shaking him.  Michael didn’t respond, he just kept trembling and saying, “no.”  Lukas let go of his shoulders and reached for his face; he grabbed it and lifted it up until he could see his eyes and he leaned down and kissed him.  He kissed him gently on the lips then all over his face, his forehead and his chin.  He could tell that he was having trouble breathing, he was taking quick shallow breaths.  So, Lukas kissed him again, for only a few seconds then let go for a few seconds then kissed him again.  He was trying to regulate Michael’s breathing by forcing him to stop when he kissed him.  Slowly Michael started taking deeper breaths.  Lukas reached up and turned the water off and slipped out of the shower, grabbing one of the towels from the sink.  He wrapped Michael in is fluffy warmth.  And helped him to his feet, he walked him to the toilet and sat him down on it.  He was still trembling, but had calmed a bit.

Lukas wrapped the other towel around his waist and knelt down in front of Michael.  He rubbed the outside of Michael’s thighs, trying to calm him and bring him back to where Lukas was.  “Michael,” he said quietly.

“I won’t let you…” Michael mumbled.

Lukas knew he wasn’t talking to him but he answered anyways, “I won’t do anything that you don’t want me to.”

“Don’t lie.  They all say I’ll want it… don’t lie…”

Michael was stuck and Lukas knew that if he didn’t break out soon he was going to collapse.  He pushed himself between Michael’s knees and forced his arms around him.  “I’ll give myself to you, Michael, I won’t move, you are in completely control.” Lukas said, laying his head sideways against his arm, exposing his neck as if he were a submissive wolf.

Michael reacted immediately, moving his hands up and around Lukas’s neck, grasping it and squeezing.  As he squeezed he leaned against Lukas’s tilted head, laying his lips on his ear and saying, “You’ll never have me again.  You don’t own me.  You don’t get to do as you please,” he spoke as if he was a completely different person.  His tone and grip frightened Lukas, but he was not weak, not in this situation.  Lukas slowly lifted his hand and laid it on Michael’s clenched forearm.

“Michael,” he whispered and ran his hand up and down his arm as gently as he could.  He didn’t know what Michael was imagining but it was clean that it was something he didn’t want and Lukas needed to show him that he meant no harm.  “Michael,” he said again, this time reaching up and wiping the tears from his cheeks and pulling the hair from his face.  He could see that his eyes were still glazed and half closed.  As Lukas continued to wipe the tears, his tense face eased and his grip loosened.

Finally, Michael’s head fell and he let go of Lukas all together, his arms slumping down beside him.  Lukas had to catch him before he fell to the floor.  He hadn’t lost consciousness but he wasn’t focused and he was staring at the floor.  Lukas slid under his arm and stood up, bringing Michael to his feet.  He led him across the hall to the bedroom.  He sat Michael down on the edge of the bed and pulled the towel from him.  He laid it over his head, drying his hair then tossing it to the ground.  Michael finally stirred.  He looked up at Lukas as he stood in front of him.

He reached out a shaky hand and touched Lukas’s abs.  “Lukas?” he whispered.

Lukas knelt down in front of him again, “Yes, it’s me.  I’m here,” he said, placing his hands on Michael’s knees.

“I’m so sorry,” Michael said, looking directly into Lukas’s eyes.

“You have no reason to be sorry, but what happened?  That wasn’t like the other episodes you’ve had.”  Lukas’s voice was full of concern and his eye brows were pinched in worry.

“I… had a flash back…” Michael said quietly, looking down again.

Lukas’s concern doubled, “Did I cause it?”

“Not directly,” Michael said.

Before he could elaborate, Lukas said, “Not directly?  What does that mean?”  His panic was starting to rise at the thought of him being the cause of Michael’s current and future panic attacks.

“It only happens when I sleep or let my guard down.  If I don’t keep a tight rein on my mind then it tends to give a harsh reminder of why I’m broken…”  He looked up at Lukas and saw his worried face, staring at his, trying to find answers in it.  “Lukas, this is the first time I have been able to relax and let go enough to loose those reins.”  He put his hand on Lukas’s cheek, “I lost myself completely in you and forgot for a second that I was damaged.  I felt whole.  Lukas you caused that, you made me whole.”

Lukas placed his hand on top of Michael’s and closed his eyes.  “But at what cost?”  He took a breath.  “Isn’t it too much?  If I can only make you feel good for a moment but that causes you to fall further backwards… No, I won’t do that to you.”

Michael put his other hand on his other cheek and lifted his head.  Lukas opened his eyes with the motions and looked at Michael.  He was smiling with a tear in his eye, “There is not a cost that would ever be too much or one that I wouldn’t pay to feel like that again.  To hell with the flashbacks!  I’ll gladly suffer a little to have your incredible touch on my skin and your caress on my soul.” He sighed as if letting go of a huge burden.  “It was incredible,” his smile grew, lighting up his entire face and Lukas could see the fire in his eyes and he was mesmerized.

“I couldn’t live with myself if I caused that again.” Lukas was being stubborn.  “I was so scared when I couldn’t snap you out of it.”

Michael quickly leaned forward and kissed him, still smiling.  “I have them with or without you and it is much better when you are here.  The comfort is all I have ever wanted.  And as much as I adore you for wanting to snap me out of it, that’s not your job.  They just have to run their course.  I’ve never snapped out of one, even with professional help.” He kissed Lukas again, laughing against his lips a happy laugh, and wrapping his arms around Lukas, pushing him to the floor.  Lukas braced for the fall, and then wrapped his arms around Michael, even though he was confused.

When Michael let him go and lifted himself up with his arms, looking down at Lukas, Lukas said, “I’m at a loss.”

“Why? Where did I lose you?” Michael asked, still chillingly chipper.

“How…hm…” Lukas hesitated.  “How are you so happy after such a bad panic attack?  I mean you nearly choked me into unconsciousness.”

“Oh, I’m really sorry about that,” Michael said sheepishly, “that’s a first for me, but then again, normally no one is trying to submit to me in the middle of a flashback.” He said pointedly.  “I am sorry, really, but this is a breakthrough!  Lukas, when I meant that this has never happened, I meant never.  This is incredibly huge and I’m super excited!”  Michael stood up and stared dancing buck naked and even Lukas, in his disbelief, couldn’t help but laugh.  Michael reached out a hand to Lukas and he took it and was pulled to his feet where Michael swayed against him.  “Dance! It’s a dance moment!”  He grasped Lukas’s hands and started dancing like a fool again.  Lukas, reluctantly, joined and soon was enjoying their naked-and-no-music dance.

When they finally got dressed, they made their way to the living room.  “I’m starving!” Michael said and veered off to the kitchen.  “Do you like teriyaki chicken and rice?  I know it’s simple but it’s my favorite!”  Lukas smiled and sat down on one of the stools on the side of the counter.

“I’ve been known to enjoy a good teriyaki sauce now and again.” He replied.

“Great!”  Michael went around his small kitchen, gathering up his ingredients and starting the rice cooker.  He stood over the stove, throwing things into the pan and looking like a professional.  He hummed while he cooked and he wasn’t hiding his delight.  Lukas loved watching him and felt his heart quiver again and tried to not worry for just a few moments as he watched Michael in complete bliss.

Michael plated out two portions of chicken and rice and handed one to Lukas.  Then he placed a glass full of green tea down next to the plate.  “This smells fantastic,” Lukas said as he scooped up some food and lifted it to his mouth.  Michael stood on the other side of the counter and brought his own fork up to his mouth.  They ate in silence, which Michael took as a compliment and when they were done Lukas let out a sigh of relief.

“I didn’t realize I was hungry until I started eating, but that was exactly what I needed.” Lukas said as Michael collected their plates and placed them in the sink.

“Right?!” Michael was clearly excited that Lukas liked his cooking, “It always hits the spot perfectly!”  He smiled.

“You’ll definitely make someone a very good wife someday,” Lukas said, laughing.

“Well, that man better appreciate all I do, I’m no settler!”  Michael said in a high pitch voice.

“Oh no you didn’t!”  Lukas almost spit out the drink he was trying to take, laughing.  Michael laughed with him.

Michael collected his glass and came around the counter and motioned to the living room couch, blushing, “Shall we adjourn to the living room?”

Lukas saw his blush and said, “Only if you’re ready for round three?” he winked.  Michael stared at him and he couldn’t keep a straight face.  “I’m just kidding, as much as I enjoyed that,” he looked at the couch, “I just don’t have another in me.”  He saw the relief on Michael’s face and lead the way to the couch.  They sat facing each other and just talked.

“I’m so stuck right now,” Michael said as they talked about their work.  “I’ve never been stuck.  Nothing is inspiring me right now, augh,” he was frustrated.

“Maybe you need a break?” Lukas said.  Michael looked at him confused.  “I mean from that type of work.  You write dark fantasy, right?” Michael nodded, “Well, maybe you should break out of that genre and try something else.  Even if it doesn’t work it’ll get you to rethink how you write and how your imagination flows.  If anything it’ll kick start the juices.”

“I never thought of that, I’ve always just wrote what comes to me, so genre was never something I chose.”  Talking about work lead to their early years and what caused them to start writing in the first place.  They found that they were similar in that area, they both wrote to relive some of the strain of their pain.  Neither was well versed in the famous authors or playwrights, which surprised Michael as he saw Lukas as a very well learned man and expected to hear a few quotes by people he had never heard of.  Lukas went on about how he had a great family and they were always supportive of his writing dreams even before he dropped the bomb of joining the military on them.

“Why did you join?” Michael asked.

“I wish I could say that I wanted to follow my brother or that it was because I love my country and I wanted to serve it, but really it was because I was lost.” Lukas said.  “I had a great childhood but I always felt out of place and didn’t know why.  I felt like just a shell.  So I joined and it gave me a purpose and a bigger cause than myself.  I am so glad I did, it really did fulfil me and I felt connected to each member of my battalion.”

Michael was very interested in hearing stories about Lukas’s family and how his older brother always tried to make him better, always looked out for him, and always protected him.  His younger sister was the baby and they both threatened anyone that came near her trying to date her.  So, she didn’t even try to date until they were both out of the house.  They still give the “mess with my sister and you mess with us” speech when they meet her new boyfriends.  When it came to Michael, Lukas noticed that he skirted the questions about his younger life and family.  Lukas let it go because he didn’t want to ruin Michael’s euphoria.  He knew that, when he was ready, Michael would tell him what had happened and where his family was.

They talked a bit more about their ever day lives, their friends, which as it turns out Lukas has a few more than Michael but they were less available to him than Yuuki and Ellie were to Michael.  They both expressed interest in meeting each other’s friends so they went into planning a big dinner with all of them somewhere low-key and able to handle a slightly rowdy crowd.

“I had you all wrong,” Michael said.

“What do you mean?”

“I thought you were so uptight.  I thought you were all high class and snobby.  You didn’t have time for anyone except yourself.”  Lukas gasped and put his hand over his heart as if it hurt.  “But here you are telling me you won’t quote Shakespeare to impress me and you have rowdy friends and are the kind of guy that would beat up a teenager for looking at his little sister wrong.”  He shook his head dramatically.  “You, sir, have surprised me again.” He said tipping his glass towards Lukas and smiling.

“Well, as long as it is a good surprise.” Lukas said chinking his glass against Michael’s.

Saxophone music interrupted them, coming from somewhere on the floor.  “What is… Wait.. tell me that’s Wham!” Michael pleaded.

Lukas got up from the couch and started looking around.  “Ha ha, Yes it is.  It’s kind of a goofy story, but my mother loves the new Deadpool movie and also loves Wham! So… that’s now her ringtone… Ah!” he reached under the coffee table and retrieved his singing phone.

“I love your mother already.” Michael said.

Lukas smile and said, “Excuse me, do you mind if I take this?  She’ll just keep calling if I don’t answer.”  Michael nodded and Lukas answered, “hello?” and went back into the bathroom.

After just a few minutes he re-emerged and flopped down on the couch.  “Is everything alright?” Michael asked.

“Yeah, she’s worried about Edward.  She wants me to come home before he leaves and spend some time with him and the family.  I understand she’s worried, we all are, but she’s acting like he’s already not coming home.”  He stopped and took a shaky breath.  “I know what she’s feeling, I feel the same way.  I just don’t like that she’s putting out there into the universe that she believes he won’t come home.”  Michael reached over and grabbed his hand, holding it tightly.

“He’s coming back.” He said and Lukas nodded, he was clearly worried.  “I know you don’t like the message, but you should go anyways.  Think of it as a going away party”

“Yeah,” he said, deep in thought.  “I think I will go. But I’ll be gone for almost two weeks,” he looked over at Michael.

“You’re worried about me?” Michael asked, “That’s nice, but family should always come first,” he said it with a smile but that smile hid pain.  “I’ll be fine if you promise to come back and not abandon me.”

Lukas squeezed Michael’s hand, “I promise to come back.”

“Good, then it’s settled.”  Michael said.

“Yeah… I guess I’ll check out car rentals when I get home and leave as soon as I can.”  Lukas slid over and laid his head on Michael’s shoulder.

“Hey,” Michael said, “stay the night.  I don’t think either of us should be alone tonight.”  Lukas nodded and shifted a little so he could be closer to Michael.  Michael wrapped his arm around him and pulled him close.  “I can’t wait to snuggle,” he said, ruining the dark, tense moment and Lukas laughed.

“Me either.”